Family Ties

When you have sex with someone are you also giving their family a full frontal?

In these times when it's so easy to engage in sex without commitment or even consistent communication, do we ever give ourselves time to know the family of the people we sleep with? Is that even important anymore?

There was a time when meeting the parents was a pivotal moment in the relationship and it weighed almost as much as the mutual goal of successful sex. Now only the latter determines if and how long you decide to lay the straws of the love-nest the two of you plan to build . We give ourselves little to no time to know a person front and back before we learn them inside and out and then we’re shocked when we find out later down the line that they have daddy issues or they suffer from a perfectionist complex because mom never said she was proud. Why is this?

Is meeting the family too personal or do we fear being judged based on the lineage we come from? I have to believe that at some point in the mind of both parties we decide that regardless of how we may feel about said person, we’re never sold on them until Mama calls him her “son” or the favorite uncle gives the “ I see ya nephew” head nod that signifies he picked a good one. Whether we like to admit it or not, family approval is pertinent and we all want to ensure we chose someone that fits like a missing piece in our family's puzzle.

Personally, I come from a shallow family. So when choosing a partner I’ve always had it in my mind that I can't like somebody just based on their personality if I have any notion of taking them home. Aside from my mother and twin auntie, I come from a long line of weed smoking comedians-who , the higher they are the more funny they become. The goal is to make sure that it isn't at the expense of my current love interest. And we hope that even if it is that he’s able to come back swinging. That's ultimately a big part of how they decide whether you're in the family or not.

We’re a big family and we like to sit around and kick, laugh, drink and some smoke while others cook. But in the midst of all of this some shit talking will commence and you have to be able to hang. I went to a college full of eligible bachelors with accolades up the wazoo, no kids, raised with both parents and all. I dated some of them too,and actually had a lot of fun. But they couldn't hang with me. It was always a part of me that was either too quick witted or too “street” for them. I knew that taking them home would just be a wasted transportation ticket. Trust me, I tried. They never made it past the fake evil glare from my mother who kept her a country boy.

So I guess it's true, if you plan to be in a relationship for the long haul you have to be more selective and honest about who you let rock the boat. Eventually they could become a part of the wave or the captain of the ship.