The Tea on Pregnant Intimacy
Allow me to start by saying that pregnancy in the black community gets a bad reputation no matter what age group or marital status you are in when you get pregnant, for whatever reason we very seldomly experience the fairytale pregnancy. It truly isn't all fatigue, gaining everlasting weight and endless fights because the baby daddy doesn't want to help. Oh and I know we’ve been taught marriage and then kids or whatever. But as the oldest of three and my mom has been married twice before the age of 50, I can tell you straight from experience that marriage guarantees NADA. If you decide to get married post -children, that's fine too, your life, your way. Just ensure that you and your partner are happy about the decision you all make for your lives and the lives of your family. I’ll be the first to say that it isn't the easiest feat and the consistent roller coaster of emotions can and will kick your ass. BUT, it is a beautiful experience especially once you and your partner have a common goal on what your plan of action is together. None of which are based on when we decided to exchange vows. There are a few key things that I feel we as women must be sure of when going into this life changing ordeal.
READY, SCHMEADY. There's no such thing as “ready”, regardless of where you are in life, it will never seem like the “right time” and the fear and anxiety are a part of the parental package. No amount of money,job position, savings account, or size of a home will get you in the mindset of this grand lifestyle change. Children are a class to be learned each and everyday, they are all different and nothing in the world can teach you how to love them the way they need, except for them.
BAD BITCH IS A LIFESTYLE. Self love and self confidence are one in the same. Pregnancy is going to take your body through a plethora of changes over the course of 40 (sometimes longer because babies are hardheaded from the beginning) weeks. The fact is you are responsible for your own happiness and the maintaining of your beauty throughout. Anything anyone else says or does to make you feel better is additional to what you're already doing for yourself. So if you're one to get your hair done often and get Miss Mamas waxed , keep that up. That’s for you. You will thank yourself for it when you exude sexiness to yourself before anyone can compliment you , but your baby will thank you as well when they are just as mild mannered once they grace the earth because you were always in high spirits. Remember, the baby feels every emotion you feel.
BE INTENTIONAL. Choosing the right partner isn't about perfection. There's no such thing. Finding a partner that is open to communication, understanding, actively listens and is prepared to provide are the determining factors that matter! If you guys understand what it is that you want to make this life into, it's so much easier to make that happen as opposed to what you think is supposed to go on. Talk with one another about what you want your lives to look and feel like and then work at it together. I had to point that out because we tend to grow up around our peers and see what they go through with their partners and it scares us because we don't think that the grass is greener on the other side. It absolutely is greener where you water it. Period.
Now, let's get down to the fun stuff that y'all actually came here to learn. My son is due November 15,2020 , so if you've done your calculations, I'm a little over 9 months. This is my first child, so I'm no expert by any means. However, since the beginning of my pregnancy I’ve had several women inquire about sex, intimacy and all it's aspects during pregnancy. I’d be lying if I said it wasn't intriguing to me, so I felt it was my duty to let y'all in on the dirty mommy secrets to keeping it sexy while creating.
Personally, you should feel like a superhero. The ability to walk around living your regular- degular- shmegular ole’ life taking care of your everyday dealings all while life is happening inside your body should make you feel quite unstoppable. To be quite honest, I feel so strong and beautiful knowing that my feeling good, gives my baby good feelings. My good feelings lead to good thoughts and we produce a happy child. At Least that's what me and my therapist have come up with. I’ve done my due diligence and asked around about what ladies have concerns about , so let's jump right in. When it comes to sex, a lot of the initial worry is about how to get in the mood, stay in the mood and belly friendly positions.
Side by Side , from Behind
Lie with your partner facing your back and entering from behind.
Penetration starts off shallow, but with a little manipulation , (possibly nipple play and oral) and pillows a deeper thrust can be achieved. Careful though, because all of the pressure on your pelvis can cause a really severe orgasm! Pro tip: Have your partner slide under you just a little bit so that it looks as if you're sitting in his lap. The stroke is much deeper and it gives him free access to hold your hips and pull your hair. Y’kno’ if you're into that kind of stuff.
2. “Missionary” Position
We all know this one as ole’ faithful. As you start to grow bigger and the baby begins to move around, you’ll want to utilize the cover to put underneath you to tilt your body and control your back. It’s a tad bit easier to let Daddy hit that spot, ladies! This one allows the romance to seep in, the eye contact, and endless kissing in process just makes the entire night better.
3. Doggy Style, from Behind
Leaning forward and spreading your legs to a wide comfort makes for a party for both of you! Encourage your partner to take hold onto some of that extra juiciness you’ve achieved while pregnant. Don't be afraid to throw it back.You’ll burn some good calories and the glow you get post coitus is unmatched. Trust me!
After a brief survey, I found that most couples try for a frequency of around 2-3 times a week to keep everybody satisfied. Be sure to communicate with your partner about how often a session is wanted and if you're really feeling bold, initiate a steamy sack rumble! A lot of women worry about this especially if this is your first child, but as long as your pregnancy is not an abnormal -high risk pregnancy feel free to go at it as much as your body will allow. Maintaining a healthy sex life is good exercise and to be perfectly honest it keeps everyone in the house happy LOL! Consistent sex gave me the energy to ride a 10 speed bike through downtown Atlanta for nearly 3 miles at 9 months! Work those muscles, you wont regret it.
As your baby continues to grow your body will become more sensitive to everything , including intercourse. A lot of pressure and increased blood flow can cause different bodily reactions. In the very common event that you begin to spot or bleed try not to panic! You’ll be advised to call your doctor in a haste, however if the bleeding isn't painful and consistent, don't worry! Just be sure to ask your doctor the next time you're seen. Be sure to practice your kegels to ensure that your pelvic floor remains strong.
Kegels provide more than that one benefit, they also assist in birth and labor prep. But my personal favorite benefit is how they tighten up your lady parts, making for a greater sexual encounter and quicker, more intense orgasm. What are kegels? The Google definition reads “denoting exercises performed by a woman to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, involving repetitions of both sustained and rapid voluntary contractions of the muscles and used especially to treat urinary incontinence and improve sexual function.” Do these everyday! 5 sets for about 10-15 seconds each and thank me later.
One of the most taboo topics in relationships in general is sex. Which is sort of eerie,your sexual partner should be the last person you hold any information back from,but they seem to be the main person left out of the loop. We find ourselves ashamed and coy about our sexual desires instead of being honest and telling one another how often we crave them. Sexual trauma is not to be normalized and having a child with someone should grant them the ultimate trust. Try your best to be as vulnerable with your partner as possible, considering they are a part of your life for the remainder. It's a good time to start getting cozy with them and the different twists in your life. In the second trimester when all of the sickness and nausea subsides, the hormones kick in overtime for most pregnant women and when that happens the labido jumps into overdrive!
T. Martin, a young lady who recently became a mom spoke about the heavy increase in her sex life saying, “...I had sex everyday. All the sex reduces risk of tearing and keeps your bladder together. Some women completely lose control when they have the urge to pee!” So you see ladies, your man can help make your delivery easy by keeping you worked out! Only activity that burns more calories than sex is mountain climbing, I’m not sure about you,but sign me up for the pleasurable pain! But what do you do when your partner is tired and you wake up with an itch that needs to be scratched right then? Or how do you exercise foreplay before things get hot and heavy?
Masturbation saves the nation! Masturbating is perfectly fine and can be done regularly, it is however, particularly enjoyable with your partner. It is a healthy form of foreplay and makes for a smoother entrance into Loveland. We almost never know what our bodies will do during pregnancy, but most times our sexual appetite piques especially in happy relationships where the intimate connection was strong before baby arrived. You're still you, so try not to get into the habit of being defined by your bump and allow it to consume you. The bump is temporary, you want what you and your partner have to last forever. Bask in the wonderful things your body is doing and give yourself permission to enjoy being and feeling sexy. Afterall, you are creating life!